I remember the very first time he approached me after I led a praise & worship session, he came whispering in my ear saying, “Sister, I love your voice” then I said, “Thank you.”
He wouldn’t stop looking at me in church, but of course I knew he was up to something.
We were fortunate to meet outside church premises couple of times and exchanged contact. A week after our friendly phone conversation, he asked me for a relationship, which I declined at first, but later accepted after discussing with my friend Kunle, Who advised me to forget love for now and just go ahead and accept to have a relationship with him, because love doesn’t start like magic in a relationship, it grows and in due time, feelings will set in…..blablabla.
Kunle gave me different examples of few couples who barely knew each other before getting married and were still happily married.
Over time, I have come to understand that what many people classify as a healthy relationship is a typical #Acting (many couples act movies once they are outside.) So, don’t be deceived when you see some couples wear same clothes at occasions, call their partner pet names or even kiss each other every second publicly. Marriage is a serious business, with serious challenges, for the serious and committed students.
However, I accepted to have a relationship with him, two months after, he proposed marriage, and of course I went back to Kunle, with the mind of “can you imagine this guy just proposed marriage to me!?” Unfortunately, I was disappointed with Kunle’s response. Kunle was super excited, he hugged me and said, ” I am so happy for you and he immediately changed my name to #IYAWO.
We got married three months after his proposal. Hmmm…. Yes, three months after! We were both married to a stranger.
The wedding was indeed expensive, but the marriage was much more expensive because,we never talked with each other since the night of our wedding.
Our usual conversations were “Good morning! I’m off to work, ok.” Or sometimes, we put it in writing, dropped it on the dinning table and the other person would read and reply via SMS or write back. This is crazy right! Yes, I know.
We lived together struggling to be happy day after day, but the happiness would only come for few hours and fade off afterwards.
We realized that we both made wrong choices, but alas, it was already late. However,we decided to live with the consequences and be happy anyway.
Then I asked myself, “Why did I get married?” What is the point of getting married, if I would live to endure my marriage for the rest of my life?
Many of us entered a relationship for a wrong reasons, and we find ourselves struggling with our relationships, because we had a faulty foundation.
I would want us to have a reflection moment now. Get a pen and a paper, write down your answer , then reflect on it.
- Why did I get married? For singles and intending couples, Why do you want marry?
- What did God told you about your partner before getting married?
- Did you actually seek God’s face before getting married?
- Who do you seek advise from? How can you rate your advisers relationship level?
- How well do you know your partner?
- Who is your partner to you? E.g A baby papa/mama, a role model, a mentor, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a stranger, an angel etc.) And who do you think you are to your partner?
- If you were given a second chance to choose all over again, would you still choose your partner? Whatever your answer is, Why?
The bible says in Proverbs 18:22 NKJV, “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.”
My question is, Wife and intending wife, are you a good thing to your husband?
Husband and intending husbandz have you indeed found yourself a good wife and have you obtained favour in your marriage?
I wish someone had asked me these questions before I got married, and I wish I had listened!
Don’t wait to make your own mistake in marriage, learn from other people’s experience because, divorce is not an option.
Be wise and get understanding!